If parenthood were a game of "Family Feud"
Face-off!
Best Ways to Reveal Pregnancy to Partner on Google
Order a custom-made spoon that says, “We’re having a baby” and have an ice cream night! Head to the grocery store and start throwing baby stuff in your cart! Put a ribbon around yourself like a gift and wear it for your partner! Order a pack of diapers and wipes online and wait for them to be delivered. Order a pregnancy reveal puzzle. Burst into tears while he takes out the garbage and tell him in between sobs. Husband sighs and says, “I guess we’re going to need to up our insurance, huh?”
Helpful Shit Potential Moms Might Need Section at CVS That Doesn’t Exist
B6 vitamins. Ginger chews. Bone broth. Sour candy. Poetry. Hydrocortisone cream. Operating Instructions, by Anne Lamott. Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Magnesium, Zinc, Iron. Red meat. Witch hazel. Pitted dates covered in coconut shards. Direct phone number to a therapist. Compression socks. Coconut oil. A woman that winks at you but it feels like a hug. A large, warm pool to wade in.
Things Ads Say to Mothers
Try these maternity leggings! This stretch mark lotion! Another nursing bra! Buttery softness made for mamas! Sneakpeektest — find out your baby’s gender at home for as low as $69! Try 7 days for free with Expectful, this pregnancy wellness app! Or, try the wiggle pillow with extra support from back to front! Mix and match hats with waffle footies! Bye-bye baby bump with this belly band! Ditch the leggings for these jeans that grow with you!
What Ads Should Say to Mothers
Do you need a massage and a giant sound pool with bath-temperature water and a noodle to float on? Try, A Place No Kids Are Going to Be And Where Only Attractive Butlers Interact With You Through Universally Known Sign Language™. Slip into these buttery utility boots and here is a Palomino horse you can gallop on through a forest. Try this vibrator and this coffee frother and this towel warmer and this Jennie Gorbunow’s silica rechargeable suction rose and this lavender espresso shaker. Wait! Don’t forget about the Top 10 Books About Chaotic Women Making Big, Heroic Mistakes™ you should read and enjoy by audiobook! A box full of kittens! Bye-bye Teams chat, focus on your mental health with the latest sound frequency playlist on Spotify that combats anxious thoughts and road rage!
Things the Doctor Says
“If you lose 10 pounds, you’ll get pregnant faster.” “Do you smoke? Use a seatbelt?” “Are you on any medications? Allergic to anything?” “Just scoot down a litttleeee bit.” “This is going to be a bit cold.” “This is going to pinch.” "“There’s baby.” “That’s why you’re so out of breath. Your body is managing another heart.”
Unspeakable Things
The sacred, secret period of 5-12 weeks pregnant. Not feeling maternal. Not feeling that ethereal, out-of-this-world-love the VERY moment baby is set on my chest. Wishing to be alone. Drinking from plastic bottles. Raising my voice at my husband. The question: “Am I ruining my baby?” Missing the ability to wander; wanting a life not directly tied to another. Sleep training. Gentle parenting. Screen time. Cocomelon. Formula. Co-sleeping. Swaddling too tight. Breastfeeding in public.
Elegant Things
Tiny, white tennis shoes bathed in afternoon sunlight, one tipped over. Curls. Fingernails. First birthday balloons. A baby doll placed carefully on top of a throw pillow. The floor of her bedroom. My mother’s hands. How bubbles turn purple and blue when float and pop on her chin. An attempted Polaroid photo of a blurry pregnancy test, positive. The muffled woosh of a heartbeat.
Things In My iPhone Notes
Body observations. The quote “Longing always returns.” Pitch idea: MOM vs MFA: which is better for an artist? A list of weird things that hurt me as a mother. Signs of bravery: crying, accents, saying “no”, starting a Teams call first, Joni Mitchell at the Grammys. A poem I wrote walking through Target. Baby names. A reminder to buy Kava Kava tea. An everlasting reminder to buy the Restoration Hardware down comforter. “Joy without sorrow isn’t really joy at all.”
Ideas That Are Intriguing Mysteries
BMI. Feeding a toddler dinner. Pregnancy gingivitis. Grief in new motherhood. The research shows that humans can cope with a maximum energy expenditure of 2.5x its resting metabolic rate in elite athletes; during pregnancy, it peaks at 2.2x. The stress pregnancy puts on the female body is comparable to competing in the Tour de France. Getting your period after having a baby. Good sleep. Is having bad taste a personal brand? My Google history. Existentialism. Why I decided to have children. Why people decide not to have children. Time. When people disappear from social media.
Nothing Annoys Me so Much
The people that say, “You’re going to be so tired. You’re going to miss this. Enjoy EVERY moment.” Moms on Tiktok: “Stop using language that causes frustration between you and your kids.” The people that touch a pregnant belly without asking. The cost of daycare. The lack of maternity leave. Emotional labor. Invisible kin work.
Things in My Saved Folder on Instagram
Chappell Roan quote about tired parents. A dopamine menu. Convertible strollers that are best for your family. A blog post called “Severance Has Mommy Issues.” Thirty women on being thirty-something. Spring-inspired baby names. Baby names inspired by Taylor Swift songs. An article: “Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often.” A breakfast nook with cabinets painted in Marscarpone.
All The Things You Never Used from Your Baby Shower
The temperature ducky. The little socks (they were too wiggly; you were too tired). The pile of crinkly, soft stuffies in her bedroom. All of the perfect, miniature baby shoes with animals on them. Breast milk bags. The baby nail buffer. Willow pump. Travel bottle cleaner. Baby sunglasses.
All The Things That Should Go Into My Own Baby Museum
Bottle warmer. Bumbo Infant Seat. The snot sucker. Aveeno shampoo. Grow-With-Me Frida bathtub. MAM pacifiers. Yogurt bites. The wrangled, well loved diaper backpack. The abandoned, dirty stuffed horse from the playground Lila calls “Neigh” and sleeps with every night. Sophie la girafe. Aquafor. Tucks. Ms. Rachel.
Activities Mothers Are Supposed to Think Are Fun
Play dates! Baby showers! Babylists! Pregnancy announcements. Gender reveals. Taylor Swift baby name inspo lists. Baby books: the ones that track all the firsts and foods tried and weight and length. Breastfeeding. But God, not in public. Work life balance. Toddler hacks. Losing the baby weight. Embracing the baby weight. Birthing classes. Not letting time go by too fast!!
A great housewarming gift idea. This book: The New Romantic Garden by Jo Thompson. It is simply *chefs kiss* divine.
A fascinating cultural read. This article "Honor Levy: My First Book, Dimes Square Interview” features an interview with Honor Levy discussing her debut story collection called “My First Book." Her satirical approach and palpable paranoia make her work compelling and resonant with her generation. I’m particularly intrigued by the culture around Dimes Square, a small area in New York City, named after the restaurant Dimes located at the intersection of Canal Street and Division Street. It has become a cultural hub, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic, known for its reactionary aesthetic movements and transgressive art. Levy was one of the niche icons of the square. (The Cut)
This incredibly insightful interview about grief with Billy Bob Thornton. We keep our loved ones alive through what we make; remember them through our art.
Shameless self plug. Last year, I was interviewed for Overlooked, an award-winning women's health podcast, hosted by Golda Arthur. I shared my story about navigating cervical health testing, and the moment I received the (first) alarming call from my doctor.
I bought this delightful oversized scrunchie (J Crew) and this linen shift dress in black (J Crew). I want all the easy linen dresses this summer.
In an effort to engage in more print pieces this year, I love me a good zine. Here’s the latest one I’m consuming (Cake Zine)! Their issues are beautiful.
I read “The Hearts of Horses” by Molly Gloss for Horse Girl Book Club (I am the book club host!) And it’s truly one of the best books I’ve read in a while. I stayed up until 11pm reading the first 130 pages and did that every night until it was over. You don’t need to be a horse girl to love it. It’s just…divine.
A fascinating bit of culture juice. According to
from her Substack Feed Me, "For seven days in April, over half of Yale’s undergrads logged onto a site called Rank Yale to vote on their classmates’ popularity, casting nearly 670,000 votes. Created by junior Addison Goolsbee as part ‘prank, part social experiment,’ the site generated Top 100 lists for each class using an Elo-style algorithm (the same one used in chess rankings)." Students could vote up to 100 times a day. Here’s a story by Yales Daily News about it.A pretty fascinating read: “Quaker Parents Were Ahead of Their Time” by The Atlantic. It’s about Quaker parenting principles that have been around for 375 years, and how they align surprisingly well with modern parenting research. For a quick summary, Quaker style has an emphasis on empathy, respect, and community.
My new favorite “little thing” is picking up this guava juice from the store and having a small glass every morning with my coffee. Another great one to sip? Some tart cherry juice.
